漫画19 : 稻草人 Scarecrow

一个男孩夸口说：“我爸爸做的稻草人非常好，所以他的农场3英里内都没有乌鸦。”
“那有什么”，他的朋友说。
“我叔叔做的稻草人非常棒，乌鸦把去年偷的所有粮食都送了回来。”

A boy boast：“The scarecrow made by my father is very effective, no crow within 3 miles of his farm.”
“That is nothing”，His friend replied.
“The scarecrow made by my uncle is even better，the crow sent back all the food it stole last year.”

alannyou 说：
幽默是日常生活的必需品，尤其是夫妻之间。
Humor is the daily necessities of life, especially between husband and wife.

笑话12 : 幸运的母亲 Lucky Mother

一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。

母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”

露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.

Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

alannyou 说：
妈妈（或者爸爸）对子女爱是无私的，孩子长大后要知道知足常乐。
The love to children from mother (or father) is selfless, when children grow up should learn to know happiness consists in contentment.

笑话11 ：一个数学问题 A Problem in Arithmetic

比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。
有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。
“苹果怎么卖？”
“五美分六个。”
“但我不想要六个。”
“你想要几个？”
“这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。”
“数学问题？你说这话是什么意思？”
“你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。”
比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。

Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.
One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.
"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.
"Six for five cents."
"But I don't want six apples."
"How many apples do you want?"
"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."
"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.
"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."
Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

alannyou 说：
数学。。。头痛。。。
Mathematic...headache....

笑话10 : 性恪 Character

从医学角度看:
    幼稚 = 憋不住尿,   憋不住话。
不成熟 = 憋得住尿，憋不住话。
    成熟 = 憋得住尿，憋得住话。
    衰老 = 憋得住话，憋不住尿。

From a medical perspective:
      Childish = Can not hold urine, can not hold speak.
Not Mature = Can hold urine, can not hold speak.
       Mature = Can hold urine, can hold speak.
         Aging = Can hold speak, can not hold urine.

alannyou 说：
每个人都会经过以上四个人生阶段，只是穿老人尿片时，可别往泳池里跳啊！
Everyone will pass through the above four life phases, but, remember not to jump into the swimming pool when wearing the old man diapers!

笑话09 : 原来如此 That's Why

吉米三岁开始画画，五岁时已经画得很好了。
他画了很多美丽而有趣的画，人们出高价购买。他们说，
“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名，我们可以靠这些画大赚一笔。”
吉米的画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。
他只画一半的纸，而另一半他总空着。
“构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说，“从来没有人这么做过。”
有一天，一个人买了吉米的画，然后问他：
“请告诉我，吉米，你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画，而不是在纸的上半部分？”
吉米说，“因为我个头小，够不着上面。”

Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it.
He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, 
"This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and 
then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money."
Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper.
He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty. 
"That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!" 
One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, 
"Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?" 
"Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."


alannyou说:
小孩和犀牛都是天真无邪的。看到什么就画什么，哪儿能画就画哪。
不像成年人，思想复杂，你欺我诈，生活好累。。。
Children and rhinos are innocent, draw as their wishes.
Don't like adults, thought complicated,  intrigue against each other, life very tired...

笑话08 : 厕所标语 Toilet Signs Post

男人都知道，男人小便有时并不那么干脆利落，有时尿急射偏，有时候小便分叉，有时候淋漓不尽，为了让男人能把一泡尿全撒进小便池，不要滴落到地板上，一般的小便池上会贴一些标语加以提醒.
然而，大多数的标语都起不了作用。
但是，用了以下这个标语后，厕所地上比以前干净许多了：

“尿不到池里说明你短，尿到池外说明你软。”

All men do know, man is sometimes not so neat in urinating, sometimes urgency and shot wide,
sometimes urinate got split ends and sometimes dripping.
In order to let a man can urine into the urinal and not drop on the floor,
some toilet will have signs post on wall above the urinal to remind men to be more careful.
However, most of the signs post does not have effect.
But, after using the below signs post, the toilet floor seem to be must more cleanest than before:

“If you can't shot into the urine pool, means your is short,
  If you shot outside the urine pool, means your is soft.”

alannyou 说：
男人那玩意儿，男人自己都控制不了。。。你说呢？。。。哈哈。
Men himself can't even control that little thing。。。what do you think ?。。。。haha.

笑话07 : 模仿 Imitation

一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，
“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。”
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。 
“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明的儿子说，“里面装点东西，就会好的。”

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother.
"Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."

alannyou 说:
这个是典型的男人脑袋。
This is a typical man head.

笑话06 : 数学 Maths

父亲非常关心他儿子的数学成绩不好, 于是把孩子转到一间教会学校。
过了第一学期，儿子把他的成绩单带回家：他的数学成绩得"A"。
父亲当然是很高兴,但是想知道: "为什么你的数学成绩突然这么好?"
"你知道吗", 儿子解释,
"进学校的第一天，我看见墙壁上有一个人被钉死在十字架上面，我就知道一件事: 这个地方是来真的!"

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in maths decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in  math.
The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?"
"You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!" 

alannyou 说:

专家分析说,“孩子学不好数学，是应该首先反思自己的教学方法是否出了问题。

也许, 通过实物的例子来循循善诱地指导孩子做题会有明显的效果。”

Expert analysis said, "Children who had math problem, probably due to the teaching method. 

May be, through the real example to guide the children will have significant effects." 

笑话05 : 神的旨意 God's Will

人对神说, "你为什么让女人那么漂亮 ?"
神对人说, "那会让你爱上她们。"
人对神说, "但是你为什么让她们如此愚蠢 ?"
神对人说, "那会让她们爱上你。"

Man said to God, "Why did you make women so beautiful ?"
God said to man, "So that you will love them."
Man said to God, "But why did you make them so dumb ?"
God said to man, "So that they will love you."

alannyou 说:
夫妻间的苦和乐, 两性间的微妙关系，不是旁观察者所能理解的，连上帝也哑语。。。哈哈。
The relationship between husband and wife is beyond outsider understanding, even god also dumb..haha.

笑话04 : 软和硬 Soft and Hard

在酒店大厅。
一个男人走进电梯, 电梯里有一个长得挺有魅力的女人。
当他转身去按电梯钮时，他的肘部不小心的碰触到她的乳房。他们两都非常震惊。
这个男人就对她说,
"女士,我很抱歉。如果你的心像你的乳房那么软,我知道你会原谅我的“。
她看着他几秒钟,然后说，
”没关系。如果你的阴茎像你的肘部那么硬, 我在204号房“。

At the hotel lobby. A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
The are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She looks at him for a few seconds and says
"That's all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204".

alannyou 说:
"幽默是人生的智慧之花，是一种情趣，能有效地润滑，缓解矛盾，调节人际关系，是一种能力，是一种艺术。"
"Humor is the wisdom of life, is a kind of appeal. It can effectively lubricate and alleviate contradictions. It help to improve interpersonal relationship, and is a kind of ability and is an art."

笑话03 : 建筑师 Architect

一位夫人打电话给建筑师,说每当火车经过时,她的睡床就会摇动。
“这简直是无稽之谈 "建筑师回答说,“我来看看。”
建筑师到达后,夫人建议他躺在床上,体会一下火车经过时的感觉。
建筑师刚上床躺下,夫人的丈夫就回来了。
他见此情形,便厉声喝问：“你躺在我妻子的床上干什么？”
建筑师战战兢兢地回答：“我说是在等火车,你会相信吗？”

A lady call the architect, said whenever the train passed by, her berth will be shaken.
"This is simply riduculous" reply the architect, "Let me go and take a look."
The architect arrived, the lady suggested that he lie in bed to experience it when train went by.
Just when the architect lie down, the lady's husband come back.
The husband saw the situation, harsh voice ask: "Why are you lie in my wife's bed ?"
The architect in fear and trembling answer: "I am waiting for the train, will you believe ?"

alannyou 说:
有些话是真的,却听上去很假；有些话是假的,却令人无庸置疑。
Some words are true, but sounds others. Some words are not true, yet people believe it.

笑话02 : 神经病 Mental Illness

一男入厕。
隔壁忽说：“最近好吗？”
为不失礼便答：“还行。”
隔壁又说：“忙什么呢？”
此男：“出差。”
隔壁：“我先挂了，这有个神经病。。。

A man in a public toilet.
Suddenly, another man sound from next door: "How is everythings ?"
Being polite, he replied: "Well everythings is fine."
Sound next door: "Well, busy in anything ?"
Man replied: "Just came back from oversea business trip."
Sound next dooor: "I'll hang up now, there is a crazy next door here..."

alannyou 说:
现今社会，人情冷漠，邻居之间互相不往来。
稍为热情点，可能还会被人当怪物看待。
Nowadays, human apathy, each other between neighbours don't speak.
Being enthusiasm may treated as alien monster by others.

笑话01 : 莎士比亚

从前有个和尚临死时嘴里一直念着莎士比亚，当时还没有此人，
后来一位学者一直在研究终于知道：原来这个和尚没碰过女人，
他是在念: "啥是B呀?"

alannyou 说:
人生是如此的悲哀。
有人穷一生不知啥为B。
有人这一生老装个B样。